Son of Space Wizards
by MonkeyTaco
Summary: A tale of a man obsessed with the man who wrote the story about a man who is obsessed with seeing a movie based on a book. YAY!
1. Son of Space Wizard

I couldn't believe what I was reading.  
  
This story summed up my life entirely.  
  
The conflict, the futility, the passion.  
  
Space Wizards was a story about me.  
  
When I read those amazing words on fanfiction.net I knew I had found a masterpiece. The author was brilliant, his values, the way he portrayed the status quo in such a way of showing them for the self centered inconsiderate supporters that they are.  
  
Monkeytaco was speaking about me.  
  
This story was like no others.  
  
I had a new reason to live. I was going to live my life like the man from Space Wizards, our triumphant Narrator; passionate, devoted and uncaring about the stupidity that most of the world was enslaved too.  
  
I knew what he was going through. I was what he was going through, the lack of friends, the late nights alone at the movie theatre. I was him. He was me.  
  
No more would I sit there and listen to the sounds of cell phones and people talking to each other at normal volume in the middle of the film. If Owen could do it, so could I!  
  
I was a master of control; I could take on the world just as he did. I was-  
  
"Hey, are you fucking done in there???"  
  
-Oh, ummm.. Yeah mom, just one minute, I will be out in a second.  
  
"You talking to yourself again? Cuz I know aint got anyone in there with you."  
  
-No, I am just practicing for the.. The play mom. Its okay, I will be out in a moment.  
  
"Fucking kid"  
  
God damn it, I could hear her outside waiting for me. Oh that woman makes me so mad.  
  
Always yelling at me, I am sick of it. I should teach her a lesson! She wouldn't know what hit her. I would stab her over and over again. Leave her dead body lying limp on the carpet for all the family to see. Then they would know not to mess with m-  
  
"Hey you fucking queer, get out of the god damned bathroom!!"  
  
"Sorry, Mom."  
  
Stupid woman, next time she won't be so lucky. Next time I am going to pull an Owen Scottsworth on her ass. Then she will learn who she is playing with.  
  
I didn't need the bathroom anyway, I had more important things to do, I needed to check on fanfiction.net, see if anyone reviewed me.  
  
As I eagerly approached the computer I couldn't wait to see.  
  
My first chapter of the Space Wizards Expanded Universe was uploaded and I can't wait to see what they think.  
  
Maybe Monkeytaco himself read it. I wonder if he liked it? God, that would be so cool. He might even want to collaborate. We could do the Space Wizards Sequel, hell maybe even a prequel! My god, I can't wait!  
  
Website loading, anticipation building, loading, loading loading..  
  
Reviews 0  
  
Damn it! I thought for sure this would be the one to skyrocket me to popularity.  
  
Not to worry, it's only been two weeks; maybe it hasn't been uploaded into the new releases yet. My time will come.  
  
I am sure even Monkeytaco himself even had to wait before anyone read his stories, he probably piggy backed his popularity off one of his friends who devoted all his stories to something like Dark wing duck. or Sonic the Hedgehog or something.  
  
What the heck am I saying, that man has talent; surely the people saw his talent immediately. He's probably got publishing company after publishing company chasing after him. He is a genius and one day I will be ju-  
  
"Hey faggot! Whacha doin?"  
  
-what? Oh, hey Johnny, just working on the web.  
  
"Oh yeah? Still writing that stupid story?"  
  
-It's not stupid! This is going to make me rich someday.  
  
"That fucking Space Wizards thing? Yeah right! You have about as much chance at that as you do getting laid."  
  
-Shut up, Jerk! I have talent!  
  
"Its not even you're Story! You are just reworking someone else's Idea and corrupting it, by changing a few events and probably making characters have sex with each other"  
  
So what? Just Owen and Tinyla. and little Billy, but that's all.  
  
-I am going to get rich off my stories one day, just you wait and see.  
  
"You aren't even ripping off a talented writer. I mean Christ, the story is incredibly flawed."  
  
-Nah uh, Your just jealous.  
  
"Oh yeah, right, Jealous, I am jealous of a man who couldn't use spellchecker if his life depended on it."  
  
-Monkeytaco doesn't need spellchecker. His talent is more honest; his words come from his soul.  
  
"Then explain to me one thing, what time did Owen first go into the theatre?  
  
-What? Why?  
  
"Because I want to know how he can go in this theatre seven hours prior to the showing, watch the movie, come out three hours later and never once run into anyone anywhere."  
  
-The Show was at night, duh.  
  
"The show was at midnight, seven hours earlier would have been five o'clock in the afternoon. Where was the rest of the town while he was driving his car into a gun shop at five o clock in the evening?"  
  
-It is a small town!  
  
"It sure as fuck must be!"  
  
The nerve of him. Belittling the talent of such a genius as Monkeytaco. So there is a slight flaw in time, we all make mistakes.  
  
"And while we are at it, how is it that this character was able to steel automatic weapons from a gun shop anyway? All of which he had loaded, and stalked and ready to go, just to lug down to the theatre. Oh wait, but I forgot, he could have taken all the time he wanted, maybe he snuck off to some black-market gun dealer in the back of the gun shop in the middle of this magic empty town where time stands still. I guess I can see why I was wrong about your MonkeyFaggot. He's a fucking Genius."  
  
That's it! I had heard enough!  
  
-Hey, can I borrow your Keys for a second?  
  
"What? Sure, you little bitch. What fo-"  
  
At that moment I took my opportunity to STRIKE!!!!  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
STAB STAB STAB STAB  
  
He would know my wrath!  
  
"You stupid dick, you're annoying me."  
  
He yanked my weapon away from me.  
  
"And give me these back, you're going to bend my keys!"  
  
And with a shove, he knocks me to the ground, and leaves the room.  
  
The son of a bitch. Insults my favorite author with his lies of continuity and rationality. I hope I left a couple bruises on him.  
  
Oh well.. I am bored.  
  
I guess I should leave the computer and wait and let people discover my amazing story.  
  
Maybe in the meantime, I will catch a movie.  
  
.To be continued. 


	2. Curse of the blah blah blah

I left the house at six PM  
  
I didn't have a liscence, and my brother, Johnny, took the keys back, so it looks like I was going to be walking.  
  
My family, they are complete jerks.  
  
My mom wont stop reminding me how much she dispises me. Ever since I set the house on fire all those years ago, but do you expect, I read a lot of Fantastic Four comics and I was a very impressionable youth. But I have grown a lot since then.  
  
My brother, Johnny, whom you all just met, well, he is the normal brother I guess, picks on me, beats me up, sells my mint condition collectors items for drug money, etc etc. Nothing really out of the unusual with him.  
  
My father.. Well, he is almost one hundred percent sure that I am gay. Considering I have never brought home any female friends to the house. So that makes me gay? I have never brought any male friends either, I don't have friends.  
  
Not that I need them anyway, they wouldn't understand me.  
  
All I need is my computer, the movies, my stories and Monkeytaco!  
  
I will learn the ways of his teachings, in fact, what better way to improve myself than by taking a stand at the theatre!  
  
Those damn "supporters" with there phones ringing and there kids screaming. I will teach them who's boss.  
  
HA! A gun shop! Just what I needed!  
  
Okay, I don't have a car, so I cant crash into it, looks like I will have to use my wits on this one.  
  
"Can I help you, son?"  
  
-Ummm.. Yeah, can I get a gun?  
  
"A gun? Son, how old are you?"  
  
-Uhhhh..16...but-  
  
"Now son, I am sorry, but you are a little too young to be purchasing weaponry. These are not toys you know. The law forbids me from selling anything to you at the risk of you accidentally hurting someone"  
  
Accidently? Yeah right, I am a lethal machine.  
  
-Pleeeeeeeeeeease sir, its for my Dad, He...hes really sick and he needed me to come get it for him.  
  
"Son, even if I DID believe you, I still legally couldn't give ti to you, even with your 'Daddies' Permition."  
  
-Oh yeah, well hows this for PERMISSION!!  
  
I reach around the glass and GRAB GRAB GRAB for the closest killing devise I can get to. Ready to fill this unworthy scum-sucking jerk with bullets. He will be my first official victim!  
  
"The cases are locked son, please stop before you scuff up my displays."  
  
Damn him! Him and his trickery.  
  
It isn't over though, Nope, not by a long shot. The night would be mine and there was nothing he could do about it. I still had the ball in my court.  
  
-Ummmm.. Do you happen to have any fake guns?  
  
"Why as a matter of fact I do, son. And you know what else? That's something I can actually sell to a little fellow like you."  
  
Was he mocking me? Was this no talent ball of crap mocking the man who was going to end his life? My anger surged, but I played along.  
  
-Oh thank you sir, This will make.. Uhhhh.. 'Daddy" very happy.  
  
"Don't drop it now, it breaks easily."  
  
-Oh I wont sir, thank you very much  
  
I skip merily out of the shop, with nothing but pure unadulterated hatred filling me up with rage.  
  
I leave the shop with nothing but blood on my mind. I look back in through the window and see him waving back at me.  
  
Yes, keep waving you stupid old man, I will spare you for now, but only because I want to use this anger to fuel my killing spree.  
  
The supporters will pay, and pay dearly.  
  
Just twenty five more blocks until I reach the theatre.  
  
Monkeytaco's words flow through my head as I plan out my brutal crime.  
  
Sneakily I will enter the theatre, raise my gun to the closest body and tell them that I will murder each and every one of them and that any plan of escape will be futile as I have chained the doors shut.  
  
Fifteen more blocks They will, just as they did in the story, comply to my every demand. Then once they are all under my control, I will lead them each one at a time into the hallway, where I will beat them to death with my plastic gun.  
  
eight more blocks  
  
Oh crud, what if the gun breaks? What will I do then?  
  
HA! Well, when that happens, I will use the broken shards of plastic and stab them to death. Brilliant, the deaths will be much quicker and far more gruesome.  
  
I will be on the news for years.  
  
The Space Wizard Slasher they will call me.  
  
Five blocks  
  
Or better yet, I will get away with it. With no surviving witnesses to ID me, how could they ever put me in prison?  
  
I mean, Scottsworth burned the East Star to the ground and he went free. So to shall I!  
  
I will go on to be a world famous author even while having killed the theatre load of people! I will be unstoppable.  
  
Two blocks.  
  
Jesus Christ, this place is far away. I have got to get a car.  
  
There she is! The Majestic Smith Two Theatre.  
  
Just one more block and I will be ready to continue the legacy of Owen Scottsworth.  
  
I cant wait til I see that Ticket Booth lady. Oh its going to be so great.  
  
My first official victim!  
  
And there she is, short, blonde, expressionless.  
  
She doesn't know it yet, but she is about to meet her destroyer.  
  
"Welcome to the Majestic Smith Two Theatre, how may I help you?"  
  
Oh the monotone voice of hers was just asking me to jump through that glass and strangle her to death.  
  
-Hi, I would like a ticket to...  
  
Hmmmm.. What was I going to see? In all the death and murder planning I had neglected to think of what I was going to see while commiting my death party.  
  
What was playing?  
  
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers  
  
Drumline  
  
ACK! I had never heard of either of them.  
  
Which one to choose? Which one to choose!  
  
THINK THINK THINK  
  
Okay, what would Owen have done.  
  
He would have chosen the one that would bring the biggest audience to kill.  
  
Hmmmmm....  
  
Well, from what I have heard, people don't like movies with long names, so.. Then the best bet is to go with the one.. With the.. Shortest NAME!!!!!  
  
I GOT IT!!!  
  
-One for Drumline, Please!  
  
She stares at me, her evil melancholy face just asking for death.  
  
"Ummm... are you sure that's the one you want to see?"  
  
She questions me? How dare she.  
  
-You gonna tell me its sold out?  
  
"No, I am definently not gonna say th-"  
  
-Well hows this for sold out!!!!  
  
I slam my fist into the glass wall between me and her and..  
  
ACK!!!!!!  
  
The pain flows through my arm as it is stopped by the thick padding of the glass. I grab my hand in pain.  
  
"Here you go sir, please enjoy your show."  
  
-Y..you B..b..itch!  
  
I take her devil ticket and enter the theatre.  
  
...To be continued 


	3. Really dark Grayish colored Paradise

I eagerly anticipated the impending bloodbath that would ensue before the night was over.  
  
Should I play with them first?  
  
Maybe some six degrees of Separation? Some Trivial Pursuit?  
  
I bet there won't be a single person in the audience who can answer even one of my questions!  
  
The fools! The Foolish.. fools.  
  
I proceeded into the theatre and had the ticket boy tear my ticket.  
  
I didn't kill him yet; I thought I would save him for the end.  
  
It will be amazing.  
  
And the moment of truth was upon me; the two theatres loomed in front of me, one for that rings lord flick, and the other one for DRUMLINE!!!!  
  
The status quo loves music movies! Surely there will be a packed house at my exposal!  
  
I slide in to see the lights already shut off; the previews are about to start.  
  
I can wait no longer, I run full speed down the isle  
  
-ALL RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS, I AM HERE TO CLENSE THE WORLD OF YOU "SUPPORTERS"! NOW PREPARE TO B-  
  
Completely empty. No men, no women, no children, NOTHING!  
  
I can't kill anyone if they aren't there!!!!  
  
"Keep it down, asshole!"  
  
All right! A voice in the crowd... or.... Lack there of.  
  
He will be my first victim..  
  
But where the heck is he?  
  
-Ummm... excuse me sir, where are you seated?  
  
"Why the fuck do you wanna know?"  
  
-Ummm... well.... You see, I am the ticket man and we got word of some.... people.... Sneaking into this film while paying to see the lord of the rings.  
  
"Yeah right, who the fuck do you think your kidding?"  
  
-No, it's true; this is supposedly the biggest movie since Juwanna Mann! Everyone is flocking to it. Believe me sir, I am in the industry.  
  
"Right, last I checked the place was empty, so unless you see somebody that I don't, I think you should go fuck yourself and leave me to watch this shitty movie."  
  
He was starting to piss me off. How dare he talk that way, what if I REALLY was a ticket taker and this was a REAL ticket emergency?  
  
Oh he is so dead.  
  
-Please sir, just comply. I assure you, your film will not be interrupted further.  
  
"Further? You have already ruined all the previews for me, asshole."  
  
He is a stubborn one he is.  
  
-Sir, you are interfering in a federal matter now, for your safety and the safety of others, you need to reveal your location.  
  
"Look! Buddy, for the last fucking time, I am not a fucking idiot, If I tell you where I am, you will probably try to rob me or rape me or god knows what, and I will get pissed off and kick your ass, and if I do that, my wife will kill me, so stop pushing me!"  
  
Silence filled the room.  
  
-Oh yeah?  
  
"Yes, mother fucker, so why don't you go bother everyone else over at the lord of the rings! There are plenty of people to bother over there. Hell, I would be over there if there were any seats, but you are such a charming fuck, go give it a try."  
  
What's this? A packed house? So that's where they are hiding!  
  
Looks like there might be some death toll after all!  
  
But before I deal with those guys, I have another victim to deal with.  
  
-Well I just might have to do that sir, but I still need to check your ticket.  
  
"How bout you go fuck yourself, buddy?"  
  
HA! I didn't need him to tell me anyways, I already had my rubber band tightening across my fingers, a large nail pressed against the stretching rubber. All I need to do is follow his voice and he's a goner.  
  
-Could you repeat that one more time, sir?  
  
"I said eat my asshole, you fucking faggot."  
  
Voice followed.  
  
Target locked on.  
  
Projectile raised to launching position  
  
Stretching back to a full speed position, ready for deployment and-  
  
SNAP!  
  
I feel the nail puncture deep into my hand as the rubber band tears apart and snaps back.  
  
-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Crap! Shoot! Heck! Damn! Ass! Shit! COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!  
  
This worked so well in the story.  
  
"Look man, shut the fuck up before I go down there and kick your ass!"  
  
I shut my mouth and wrap my shirt around my twice-damaged hand.  
  
Keep in mind I don't shut up because he told me to, but because I felt he wasn't worth it.  
  
Yeah, definitely not worth it.  
  
I had bigger fish to fry. Let him have his Drumline. I will be back for him later, along with the ticket taker guy, the ticket booth girl, the old guy at the gun shop and of course my family!  
  
I will go back for all of them! My vengeance will be great.  
  
It will be a night worthy of Monkeytaco's Epic Story!  
  
And it will be all about me!  
  
HAHAHA!!!  
  
Eagerly, I run out of the drumline theatre and go full speed into lord of the rings.  
  
The movie seems to have started, but that wont stop me!  
  
-ALRIGHT LISTEN YOU MOTHER FUCKERS, I HAVE A FUCKING G-  
  
"HES GOT A GUN!!!"  
  
The screams tell me they are frightened, everything was going according to plan.  
  
"QUICK, LETS KICK HIS ASS!!!!"  
  
Oh crap.  
  
In the darkness I can feel a dozen men and women, adults and kids punching and kicking away at me, forcing me to the ground, until eventually..  
  
Nothing.  
  
....To be continued 


	4. followers of the amulet er amulate or am...

I woke up lying outside the theatre.  
  
Confused. Angry. Sore.  
  
Those jerks, those stupid jerks, they haven't gotten the better of me!  
  
They will not know the warmth of another morning!  
  
I will squeeze the lives out of each and every one of them.  
  
If only I had the weaponry to do so.  
  
God, what I wouldn't do for some firepower right now.  
  
"Oh you would, would you?"  
  
What? Who was there? Who dared to speak to me, while I devised my murderous plot?  
  
-Who's there?  
  
"Why its me of course, its Monkeytaco"  
  
Could this be true?  
  
-Monkeytaco? How can it be you? Oh god, master is it truly you?  
  
"It is I, please get to your feet, my son."  
  
A hand reaches out for me and helps me up, where I first get a look at his almighty face.  
  
He looked just as I would have imagined, long flowing white beard, with matching white hair. He stood about 7 feet high off the ground and had flowing light around him at all times.  
  
-Master, I am unworthy of your presence. What brings you to the cause of a lowly mortal?  
  
"I found out about your recent mission and have learned of all the problems you have had on the way. I could not let a man who was carrying out my will fail, for he who passes on my glorious name is truly blessed and disserves all the help he can get."  
  
-You mean..  
  
"Yep, I am going to help you complete your mission to cleanse this world of the evils of supporters."  
  
I could not believe my ears, He wanted to help me! Together, we could take out the entire theatre of people and send them back to the depths of hell from which they came.  
  
"We will need weapons to do so of course."  
  
And like that he snaps his fingers and a line of guns appear before my very eyes.  
  
I grab as many guns as I can, loading weapon after weapon into each and every pocket, whilst holding a machine gun in each hand.  
  
My master needed only a double-barreled shotgun and a machete and he was ready.  
  
We were both ready.  
  
"Lets go!"  
  
Weapon in hand, I kick the theatre door open and run full speed inside  
  
I saw the ticket taker run towards me in slow motion.  
  
I aim my machine guns at him and fire.  
  
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM  
  
The bullets penetrate his body in an unending stream of carnage.  
  
I empty an entire magazine into his body.  
  
Like a flash I drop my emptied weapon and quickly pull forth an Uzi.  
  
-Lets fuck these bitches up, my master!  
  
"You read my mind, my son."  
  
So we continue into the lord of the rings theatre.  
  
Those jerks thought they had made a fool of me, well lets see who the fool is now!  
  
I kick in the doors to the theatre and let the darkness bath over me.  
  
I immediately see all gazes fall from the screen to my master and me.  
  
Vengeance was about to be mine.  
  
-Remember me?  
  
With Uzi and Machine guns in hand I once again open fire.  
  
Shooting away at everything and everyone in my path.  
  
Row after row of death.  
  
I yelled out in laughter.  
  
There pain made me so happy.  
  
I looked to my master to see him hacking away at the bodies of those I killed.  
  
The machete chopping through flesh like slices of butter.  
  
Everyone was dead but us.  
  
That is until another voice was heard.  
  
"Hey, its me from the Drumline theatre, I was just coming to see how the movie was. I was-"  
  
He stopped when he saw the theatre of dead bodies.  
  
"Oh my god, please sir, don't kill me, I have a wife and kids. They need their daddy!  
  
With no hesitation, a pistol is drawn from my pocket and aimed to his head.  
  
I told him my vengeance would be taken.  
  
-Sorry, friend... This is for your own good.  
  
BAM!  
  
The bullet speeds from my gun and flies right through his forehead, dropping him to the ground instantly.  
  
"What is going on in here? I could hear you people all the way from my gun shop down town, you all better be quiet or I-"  
  
-How's this for quiet, bitch!  
  
I quickly run up to him putting the pistol underneath his chin and point up.  
  
POW!  
  
Like a volcano, blood erupts from the top of his head as his skull is blown apart.  
  
His brains spilled onto me and all I could do was laugh.  
  
"What the hell do you think you are doing, young man!"  
  
Oh my god, could it be who I think it is!  
  
"I told you he was a queer, only a queer would shoot up a theatre."  
  
It was them!  
  
It was my family.  
  
This was my night after all.  
  
"Yeah dad, he is the biggest fag I have ever seen."  
  
Oh good, Johnny is here too.  
  
"I knew he was a cocksucker!"  
  
Grandma!  
  
They were all here. Here to meet their demise at my hands.  
  
-Hey brother, do you think I could see those keys again?  
  
"Sure, just don't bend them this time assh-"  
  
-DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
With one fail swoop of the keys I cut through each and every one of my horrid family members. Leaving their torsos in a heap on the theatre floor while waiting for their severed lower halves to give way and fall to the ground.  
  
I am victorious.  
  
My mission is complete. I rid the world of "supporters"  
  
I have nothing left to do but praise my master monkeytaco for the gift he gave me.  
  
-Master, we are victorious! Our mission is complete.  
  
"I am sorry my son, but you are just getting started."  
  
-What? But everyone is dead. What else is there to do?  
  
"You must now defeat their immortal zombie counterparts!"  
  
-ummm.... There what?  
  
"Just look, my son"  
  
I look back at the bodies of the men and women I just killed and could not believe my eyes.  
  
They rose from the ground from which they were killed and looked at me with there dead eyes.  
  
I heard their groans as they started to approach me.  
  
-Oh my god master, what do I do?  
  
Silence.  
  
My master was gone.  
  
Never once in his story did zombies come back from the grave and attack the narrator.  
  
This wasn't right.  
  
As the zombies came towards me I knew I was going to die.  
  
I felt a tug at my leg and looked down to see the severed torso of my brother.  
  
"Where is your precious Monkeyfaggot now?"  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
  
And they started to attack.  
  
And then...  
  
It went black.  
  
....To be continued 


	5. Edges of stupidity I mean existence

I woke up in a prison cell.  
  
Oh thank god, it was all a dream.  
  
. Wait.. that means I never killed everyone!  
  
Oh well... at least there weren't zombies.  
  
Stupid supporters think they can destroy me?  
  
Well they should have killed me, because as soon as I break out of here, I am coming back for them.  
  
Okay, let me think..  
  
What would Monkeytaco Do?  
  
WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD  
  
I got it!  
  
I will tear the metal from my bed and use it to cut through the outside bars of the window, using my sheets as a rope I will climb down, find the first cop that I can, break his neck with my bare hands, take his gun, execute the entire police force and make my way back to the theatre to exact my revenge on the supporters.  
  
Its brilliant!  
  
Okay, first we need to get the bar off the bed..  
  
....Ten minutes Later...  
  
Dang it!  
  
This is impossible!  
  
I give up, I have tried all that I can, but I truly am not worthy of this mission.  
  
I was not meant for a world like this.  
  
It was time I left.  
  
I sadly took the sheets from the bed and wrap them around the window bars.  
  
-Good-bye cruel world!  
  
I wrapped the sheet around my neck and prepared for my fate.  
  
-If I am going to leave this world, it wont be by a bunch of supporter freaks, I am still victorious, the world will still know my n-  
  
"Hey theatre freak, your family is here to get you.  
  
-MMYCHH QUWHATT???  
  
"Son, what the fuck are you doing?"  
  
I let go of the sheet.  
  
-Ummmm.. Mom, I was.. Uhhhh..sleeping.. But... my neck... was... getting cold. and, and I was trying to... catch the ... The draft through the window but. I.  
  
"God, officer, are you sure we cant leave him here?"  
  
"I am afraid not, technically he hasn't broken any law, we just felt he wasn't worth taking to the hospital."  
  
" I understand"  
  
Success! It looks like I will be getting out of here after all, and by using the system against them as well. HAHA it was too perfect!  
  
I was filled with happy vengeance; my lust for blood was still inside me as I climbed into my mom's car.  
  
As we drove down the road towards home, I thought up my plan for vengeance.  
  
First I would go home and kill my family with a rolling pin, one by one I will pound their heads in until they are all dead.  
  
After that, I will steel the car and crash it into the gun shop, and assuming I didn't crush him under my tires on impact, I will jump out and take his guns and empty them into his skull!  
  
After that, I will load a shopping cart full of guns and go up to the theatre and take out the ticket lady and the ticket taker boy before they even know what to think.  
  
Then I will quickly toss a concussion grenade into the Drumline theatre forcing that asshole to come out into the opening so I can rip out his heart with my bare hands!  
  
Only after they are all dead, will I make my way into the ringy theatre and just as in my dream, I will destroy each and every one of them. Except this time, they are going to stay dead!  
  
Then I am going to go kill the cops, but we will worry about that later.  
  
Its family time now!  
  
-I sure cant wait until we get home, boy am I going to get to my room and stay there for a good long time because I am grounded and I know that I deserve it and I sure hope we make it home in time. To-  
  
"You little shit! I can't believe you made us look like an idiot like that. You are not fucking coming back home, I am taking you to live with your grandmother."  
  
What? Grandma? No, that changes my plan. Granny lives three hours away; I will never make it back in time to kill everyone.  
  
Damn it!  
  
I knew there was only one thing to do.  
  
With the car still driving, I open the door; I can feel the road moving quickly beneath me.  
  
-HOWS THIS FOR GRANDMAS!  
  
Without thinking, I jump out of the car.  
  
My face hits the curb at full speed and I pass out.  
  
When I come to I am back in the car, still driving to Grandmas. With rope tying me to the seat.  
  
Shit!  
  
Okay, I can't win this with fighting and running; I am going to have to talk my way out of this. I am sure if Owen was in this same position that's what he would do.  
  
-So.. Brother, ummm... how is it going?  
  
"Good now that your ass is gonna be out of the house."  
  
-Hehehe, Oh brother, you are so clever. Hey, what do you think about those ummmm... football players? They sure are good. wouldn't you say?  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about? What football players?"  
  
Crap, he wasn't falling for my trap.  
  
Time to try something different.  
  
-Boy I could sure go for some drugs right about now.  
  
"Your so full of shit, you have never touched a drug in your life, you wouldn't even take cough drops!  
  
Well of course not, all the addictive substances that go into your throat? Who could blame me?  
  
-well... Yeah, but now I would really love to try some.. I always heard as specially good things about the cocaine, Mmmmmmm boy would I love to shoot up some good ol' cocaine with you someday.. Brother. Now if you could just untie these ropes I could get you s-  
  
"You are one retarded man, Grandma is going whip you into shape real fast!"  
  
Then I snapped.  
  
-Fuck you, Johnny! As soon as I get out of here, I am going to fucking kill all of you. I am going to be cut out your heart and.. And. and. and eat it! And you will all be dead!! Then I am going back to that theatre and executing every last one of them and then I will be worthy of Monkeytaco's glorious kingdom to enslave all of you unworthy hordes of stupid wasted life!!!  
  
"Monkeytaco? Are you still going on about that freak? Jesus Christ man! I am glad granny doesn't have electricity because you are a psycho!  
  
-Ha! Yeah you say that now, but when I find out where he lives, I am going to find him and together we will take over the world and not a single unworthy soul will be spared, I just wish I knew where he lived, then we will sh-  
  
"Wait a minute! Where he lives? Are you that stupid?"  
  
-Huh?  
  
"Tell me your joking, please tell me your joking!"  
  
-No, I don't know where he lives, but soon enough we will meet and ens-  
  
"Are you telling me that you worship this guy and you don't even know who he is?"  
  
-Well yeah, that's what is so great about the Internet; you can talk to people from across the globe and th-  
  
"He lives right here in Bakersfield, you stupid faggot! I used to beat his ass every day back in High School, His name is Erik Klassen. Christ, have you never even read his Bio?"  
  
-Bio?  
  
"Dad, did you hit mom a lot while she was pregnant with him?"  
  
"Yes I did son, why do you ask?"  
  
"This little faggot is talking about Monkeytaco again"  
  
"Oh that Klassen Kid? I remember him, little homo if I recall correctly."  
  
"Yeah that's him."  
  
I couldn't believe it, Monkeytaco had a name. Erik Klassen? Wow! And right here in town? This was too good to be true. I had to meet him. I had too!  
  
My mission could be completed after all!  
  
I felt for a moment that my strength had soared through the roof and that I had the power to tear through these ropes like paper..  
  
..sadly that wasn't true though, instead I got several rope burns.  
  
But that is okay I had another plan.  
  
-Daaaaaaaaad, I have to Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
"Hold it until you get to grandmas, shithead!  
  
-I cant, I gotta go nooooooooooow!!!!!  
  
"Boy, if you piss in this car I will kill you!"  
  
-Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!! I need to goooooooooooo!  
  
"Fine, there is a Texaco right there, go and get your ass back here!"  
  
They take the ropes off me and I run.  
  
-Seeya later suckers! HAHAHAHA  
  
I laugh maniacally knowing that I was on my way towards victory, I was about to complete my mission.  
  
The ball was again in my court, and there was nothing that anyone can do now.  
  
"You stupid kid, your still running towards your grandma's house!"  
  
Shit!  
  
Not to worry, I quickly turn around and start running the other direction.  
  
My time was coming.  
  
Erik Klassen, Here I come!  
  
.... To be continued. 


	6. The Return of the Jedi

This is an author note. This chapter is special. It is special because I did not have enough material for seven chapters but in order for this to be a true homage/parody/ripoff/sequal/expansion of Space Wizards, it needs seven chapters. So For this next chapter I have gone ahead and given you, the readers, the thing you wanted the most..  
  
Space Wizards Lemon!  
  
Please Enjoy  
  
Space Wizards: Expanded Universe Written by mtacoluver  
  
Wow, was that crazy experience at the theatre ever crazy, but I killed everyone and stopped them from watching a movie that they didn't disserve to see. To bad I had to kill Tinyla. Oh well. She had it coming.  
  
"Hey, you killed my sister!" Said a voice.  
  
I looked over to the sound and saw her.  
  
It was Tinyla's Twin Sister.  
  
"Huh? Oh, I am sorry, I didn't want to kill her, I really loved her."  
  
"That's okay, I never liked her much. Why don't you come to my place?"  
  
"Okay, that sounds good to me."  
  
We get to her house, and she leads me to the bedroom.  
  
"Oh god, I want you so much!"  
  
"I want you to, what's your name?"  
  
"My name is also Tinyla. Could you please scream it while we are fucking?"  
  
"Oh god yes, my name is Owen Scottsworth."  
  
"Mmmmmmmm please get on top of me!"  
  
I jump on top of her and rip her clothes off.  
  
Tinyla has large soft breasts and I squeeze them and they feel nice.  
  
She tears my pants off and soon we are both naked on top of each other.  
  
"Oh yes Owen Scottsworth, Please fuck me. I need you. Yes Owen Scottsworth from Space Wizards, please don't stop."  
  
I slide MY space Wizard inside her and start to fuck her.  
  
"Yes, you like that don't you, Tinyla? You like me, Owen Scottswroth of Space Wizards, fucking you don't you?"  
  
"I love it, please don't stop, cum in me! Please I need it!"  
  
"Oh you will get it, Bitch!"  
  
But before I can fill her, there is a knock at the door.  
  
Little Billy comes in.  
  
"Hey little Billy from Space Wizards, I thought I killed you?"  
  
"Nope I lived, can I join you?"  
  
"Only if Tinyla says its okay."  
  
"Sure! I love threesomes"  
  
So we all get in the bed and sandwich Tinyla.  
  
I, Owen Scottsworth, take her in the ass, while little Billy fucks her.  
  
"Oh my god, yes, don't stop Little Billy or Owen Scottsworth from Space Wizards, please, YAOI! YAOI!!!! MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm"  
  
The dirty slut was so loud, I fuck her harder.  
  
Then I realized Little Billy stopped moaning.  
  
I look down under Tinyla and see that Little Billy, after everything that has happened to him, has finally died. He died fucking!  
  
So we pushed him off the bed and continued at it.  
  
I licked Tinyla's entire body.  
  
Then there was another knock at the door.  
  
Oh my God!  
  
Emily Watson!  
  
"Hey you guys, I was just going down to the theatre to premiere my new movie "Space Wizards 2" when I saw everyone dead, so I followed the trail of blood here."  
  
"Would you like to join us, Emily Watson, of punch-drunk love?"  
  
"I would love to!"  
  
She tears off her clothes slowly, I watch as first her blouse flies off then her skirt. Then her Bra and panties.  
  
I see the actress Emily Watson standing naked in front of me.  
  
"So where do you want me?"  
  
"I want you to touch my breasts!" said Tinyla  
  
"You got it, I hope you don't mind that I moan with a very British accent."  
  
"That sounds great to me, Emily Watson"  
  
So she climbs in and starts to have lesbian sex with Tinyla while I watch.  
  
"Oh my god, I am English, listen to me talk, oh god, she is licking me all over. I am Emily Watson, Yes, don't stop, Please god, mmmmm Yes, I am so British sounding."  
  
I am still in Tinyla's ass as she and Emily Watson go at it.  
  
We role around in a big ball of sex.  
  
Then Tinyla tells me, Owen Scottsworth from Space Wizards, to pleasure English Actress Emily Watson.  
  
I push Tinyla off the bed and get inside Emily Watson.  
  
She moans deeply with her English Accent.  
  
Oh god yes, I am Emily Watson, yes please, give it to me! Yes! Yes!  
  
I tell her to pretend to be the blind girl from Red Dragon.  
  
She agrees.  
  
"Oh god yes, I cant see you, because I am blind. But it feels so good. I want you to fill me up, because I am the blind girl from red dragon."  
  
She turns me on so much and I go faster and faster.  
  
Tinyla gets off the floor and jumps on top of me.  
  
We are all in one big orgy of fun!  
  
Then the door busts open.  
  
It's the theatre manager!  
  
"You fucking bastards ruined my theatre, you are all in big trouble."  
  
"Oh yeah, well how about this."  
  
I quickly pulled out of Emily Watson and pointed my Space Wizard at The supporter.  
  
"How's this for Trouble"  
  
I quickly fired all my contents onto him and he grabs at his face screaming in horror.  
  
"Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
HE runs right into the wall and dies.  
  
We all stare at him.  
  
"I guess he couldn't take MY Space Wizard, eh?"  
  
We all laugh hysterically. For I had a feeling this wouldn't be our last encounter.  
  
It was only the beginning!  
  
The End  
  
....  
  
....  
  
...  
  
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  
  
So there ya go, that's the story. Now you can resume reading the real "Son of Space Wizards" which, although it is less perverse, it is just as stupid.  
  
Please enjoy.  
  
..To be Concluded. 


	7. end and about time

Hours had passed and I was almost there.  
  
Almost to Monkeytaco's house  
  
To Erik Klassen's House  
  
I couldn't believe it!  
  
I thought shooting up a theatre was my life mission before, but now I know that this was my true meaning, meeting Monkeytaco... Then asking him to help me shoot up a theatre!  
  
I know he will understand what I am trying to do!  
  
Of course he will, he wrote what I was trying to do.  
  
Oh my goodness, Franklin Street! That's his street!!!!  
  
I cant be... Hmmmmmm...not as nice a neighborhood as I expected..  
  
Oh well, he probably rules above the neighborhood in a massive fortress!  
  
I can't wait..  
  
Okay let me see... 704.. 706....708... There it is! 710 Franklin Street!  
  
Okay it's a normal house... but... Maybe it continues underground...  
  
I run screaming to the front door in excitement.  
  
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK  
  
I anxiously wait to meet him.  
  
And then the knob starts to turn and the door pulls open  
  
And.. And.... And.....  
  
"Hello"  
  
A young overweight man with a poorly grown goatee opens the door.  
  
-Ummmmmm.... Hi... is uhhhhh.. Erik Klassen Here?  
  
"That's me, I am Erik Klassen."  
  
I stare open mouthed at him. My master, my god, My savior.  
  
-I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I drop to my knees in not worthiness.  
  
"ummm... So.... uhhhh.... yeah... Who are you again?"  
  
He wanted to know my name!  
  
-My name is Owen and I am on a mission!  
  
"Your name is Owen?"  
  
-Yep.  
  
"Is it really?"  
  
-Not as such, but it should be.  
  
"I see"  
  
-well anyways, I have come to tell you that I am your biggest fan, Monkeytaco. I love Space Wizards so much. It has changed my life and I am on a mission to live my life the way I think you would have wanted it.  
  
"uhhhhhh..."  
  
-I was hoping to start by killing everyone in a theatre along with a gun shop owner, my family and the entire Police Department.  
  
"ummmmm..."  
  
-Yeah and also I wanted to meet you and hopefully you would give me the honor of collaborating on the Space Wizards Expanded Universe.  
  
"The wha...?"  
  
Oh god! He hasn't read my story yet! Please tell me I have my copy on me... Please please please.. Yes! Here it is!  
  
-Here master, read this, and it will all become clear.  
  
I hand him the paper and watch his eyes slide across the page. His facial expressions curl and twist in horror, just screaming that he loves it. I cant wait till he gets to the part with the theater manager!  
  
"Oh my dear god, what the hell is that?"  
  
-It is the continuing adventure of Owen after his adventure at the theatre.  
  
"You made a sequel to my story?"  
  
-Of course not my master, it is fan fiction.  
  
"Oh, I see... Ummmm..... Well, enough about that, why exactly do you like Space Wizards?"  
  
-Huh? Oh ummm... well... It's just a story that is so much like the way I feel and think that it is unbelievable. In the story, Owen does the kinds of things I only dream about, and.. Well.. Everything in the story is pure magic.  
  
"Uh-huh, go on!"  
  
-Wha? Ummmm... well.... All the characters are well developed, even the ones that die immediately, almost as if you planned to give them plots only to get lazy and give up or something. But of course you would never do that. Then there is the fact that you often spell Tinyla and amulet in multiple different ways through out the story to kind of give it a stylilized feeling. I really enjoy that.  
  
"Mmmmmhmmmmmm. Why else?"  
  
-Why Else?  
  
"Yeah, why else do you love my work?"  
  
It was becoming quite obvious that Monkeytaco was quite conceited. Loving to hear about his own works at every chance he got, always wanting to hear good things about it at all times by everyone. Which could be expected from such a genius as him.  
  
-Well that's really about all my master. But those are big reasons.  
  
"I see, well what about my other stories?"  
  
-Other Stories?  
  
"Yeah, stories like "The Order" "By The Door" "Muerte y Trafico" "A Week and A day" "Strippers are funny" and all my other GREAT bodies of work that anybody who wants to can easily access by going to Monkeytaco at Fanfiction.net"  
  
-Oh, well I haven't read those yet, master, but I will soon I promise. But first I was hoping I could get you to come to the theatre with me and help me purify the world of supporters.  
  
"Huh? You mean you're really going to kill people? Buddy, I have to tell you a few things man."  
  
The master was going to speak to me!  
  
"First of all, I admit, I am the greatest author on fanfiction.net, if not on the planet, but still, I write fiction. Not only that, but its fiction that no one in there right mind should ever try to reenact. Not only would the events in Space Wizards never happen, but they should never happen. As much as I hate the people that are killed in the story, I don't have the right to take their lives. You see son, murder is never the right thing to do. Because with Murder, everybody is a victim. Life is fragile, life is important, life is good."  
  
-Hmmmm... well yeah that goes without saying, but still, could we just kill this few dozen people and then never kill anyone again?  
  
Before the master could speak his bedroom door opens.  
  
"Hey Erik, I hope you have gotten all your choirs done, we are going out tonight. Make sure to dust and vacuum and make the bed."  
  
"Okay Mom"  
  
And then she leaves. Wow, Erik lives with his mom! She must be a genius too!  
  
Wait a minute! Something didn't feel right!  
  
-How come she didn't notice me?  
  
"Well son, I guess this is the spot I have to tell you something."  
  
-What?  
  
"Why would my mom possibly not have seen you?"  
  
-I don't have any idea.  
  
"Because we are the same person."  
  
-What?  
  
"You see, Just like Owen from Space Wizards, you are a fictional character from a story. Albeit a very stupid story, but a story nonetheless. You are just a figure from out of my mind."  
  
-What? That's ridiculous, I mean, what about when I tried to shoot up the Smith Two Theatre.  
  
"Look in the newspaper man, there is no Smith Two Theatre!"  
  
I quickly tear open the entertainment section of the paper to look..  
  
Edwards Cinema, United Artist Theatres, Pacific Theatres..  
  
No Smith Two Theatre! But how could this be??  
  
-I don't believe you! It can't be true.  
  
"But it is true, heck I'm not even real, I am a fictitious version of me, that Monkeytaco wrote into the story."  
  
-But this doesn't make any sense!  
  
"That's because he isn't very talented."  
  
-I still cant except this.  
  
"Watch, something completely random will happen."  
  
Steve "Doctor Santoro" Taylor comes in asks for Pepsi and suddenly explodes and dogs come in and eat his fragmented body then dissolve into nothing.  
  
"Are you convinced now?"  
  
-But, but why would Erik make my life so miserable? I got stabbed in the hand, attacked by dream zombies and arrested, and for what? So the two or three people who read his stories can give him some clever two-word review? I refuse to believe that my life means nothing!  
  
"Face it man, You, me, Owen, Scottsworth, Tinyla, Cletus, Jim the Rock, Kuby!, Allison the Barber, The dead guy in the car with the horn, they are all just products of Erik Klassen's Stupid stupid imagination. We all live to please him."  
  
-I hate him! He has caused me nothing but pain! I want it to end.  
  
If it is all fiction, than surely I can probably make things happen too. I look down into my hand and sure enough, there is a pistol.  
  
-My eyes are Open!  
  
I put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger  
  
BANG!  
  
OUCH!  
  
That fucking hurt!  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
-Huh? I.. I thought that it would end.  
  
"When the fuck did I say that would make it end?"  
  
-Well, I just assumed that-  
  
"Nope, it doesn't work like that."  
  
-Oh.. Well when does it end?  
  
"Whenever Monkeytaco realizes he is out of ideas and that this story is stupid."  
  
-When is that?  
  
"Soon, I hope"  
  
.  
  
.  
  
..  
  
..  
  
They have sex  
  
...  
  
...  
  
..  
  
The house blows up  
  
..  
  
..  
  
...  
  
Ummm... Zombies attack  
  
..  
  
..  
  
...  
  
Read all my stories!!!!!!!!  
  
The End 


End file.
